Stupid Lawyer Questions

These stupid Lawyer questions really made us laugh! Some of the witness responses are hilarious too. They are taken from official court records, and recorded for all to see 🙂

  • Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”
  • Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?'”
  • Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
  • Witness: “My name is Susan.”

———-

  • Lawyer: “What happened then?”
  • Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
  • Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
  • Witness: “No.”

———–

  • Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
  • Witness: “That’s me.”
  • Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”

———-

lawyer

  • Lawyer: “And what did he do then?”
  • Witness: “He came home, and next morning he was dead.”
  • Lawyer: “So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “Do you drink when you’re on duty?”
  • Witness: “I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.”

———-

  • Lawyer: “What is your relationship with the plaintiff?”
  • Witness: “She is my daughter.”
  • Lawyer: “Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “You say that the stairs went down to the basement?”
  • Witness: “Yes.”
  • Lawyer: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “How many times have you committed suicide?”
  • Witness: “Four times.”

———-

  • Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
  • Witness: “No.”
  • Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
  • Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
  • Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
  • Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

———-

  • Lawyer: “How old is your son, the one living with you?”
  • Witness: “Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.”
  • Lawyer: “How long has he lived with you?”
  • Witness: “Forty-five years.”

———-

  • Lawyer: “This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?”
  • Witness: “Yes.”
  • Lawyer: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
  • Witness: “I forget.”
  • Lawyer: “You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “What is your date of birth?”
  • Witness: “July 15th.”
  • Lawyer: “What year?”
  • Witness: “Every year.”

———-

  • Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?”
  • Witness: “By death.”
  • Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?”
  • Witness: “Gucci sweats and Reeboks.”

———-

Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “She had three children, right?”
  • Witness: “Yes.”
  • Lawyer: “How many were boys?”
  • Witness: “None.”
  • Lawyer: “Were there girls?”

———-

Lawyer: “You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “Were you acquainted with the deceased?”
  • Witness: “Yes sir.”
  • Lawyer: “Before or after he died?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?”
  • Witness: “There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet.”
  • Lawyer: “Can you identify the rifle?”
  • Witness: “Yes. There was something written on the side of it.”
  • Lawyer: “And what did the writing say?”
  • Witness: “‘Winchester’!”

———-

  • Lawyer: “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?”
  • Witness: “I only have one, you know.”

———-

  • Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–“
  • Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”

———-

Lawyer: “The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?”

———-

Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”

———-

  • Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
  • Witness: “That’s me.”
  • Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”

———-

  • Accused, Defending His Own Case: “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?”

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

 

(via rinkworks)

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